I am writing to you today, because of how greatly I have always admired you and valued your work. During some of the most difficult times in my life, I have always been able to listen to your music and feel both that I was not alone, and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Further, while I'm sure that we don't agree on everything, I have always enjoyed watching your activism, and admire your ability to create messages and let yourself be heard. You are a powerful, brilliant, intelligent, beautiful, and creative woman. The world is a better place because of you.
That is why I was so deeply disappointed to see your reaction to the news relating Jian Ghomeshi and to see that you will still be including him in your show in Toronto. This may not surprise you, because this did happen several days ago (the post on your facebook page, which I have only just now seen, dates to October 26th). I see from your blog that you're having long conversations via twitter regarding this subject. I'm bothered that there needs to be a conversation at all, and so I'm going to outline why below. I hope that even if you do not read this blog, that some people do, and that awareness of the facts regarding these kinds of issues.
The basic facts of this particular situation are this: Ghomeshi has been accused, by several women, of engaging in non-consensual violence during a sexual encounter. Let me be very clear about this: Ghiomeshi was having a consensual sexual encounter with a woman, and without prior conversation or any request of any kind, altered the encounter to include violence (choking and slapping). This is not an accusation that has occurred just once, but as of this writing a total of 8 times. Sexual violence is something that only a few people are excited by, and while completely permissible under certain circumstances, is entirely unacceptable otherwise. The only time sexual violence is acceptable is when all persons involved agree, in advance, that they wish to engage in this, and employ a method of communication to allow for the encounter to stop, immediately, if either person becomes at all uncomfortable (eg, a safe word). If these perimeters are not met, what is occurring is essentially rape, regardless of how it is otherwise spun. Choking or slapping a woman who has not said this would be ok with her, is not BDSM, and to call it that is hiding behind the cloak of an already maligned and poorly understood minority.
You tweeted, in response to someone else expressing their disappointment in your unwillingness to remove Ghiomeshi from your show: "jian is my guest. i don't kick guests out of my house, or off my stage, because of what they're going through. ever. the end." Now, there is something to be said for sticking by persons when they are being accused of something and claim innocence. In the justice system approved by all citizens the nations of the free world, everyone is innocent until proven guilty. That said, rape and sexual violence are one of the most difficult issues facing all cultures today, and may very well be one of the most important issues that we as the human race will face in this century. I don't need to tell you this, you are an advocate for women everywhere and you have come out in support of women who are trying to fight for justice in their own cases of rape.
I am married to a man, and I have an older brother. I love both of these men unconditionally. However, were either one of them to be accused of rape or a similar crime, I would be unequivocal in my reaction. I would separate myself, and anyone vulnerable, from them, possibly permanently. This is in spite of the fact that I believe neither one of them to be capable of such a thing, and so, in that situation I would almost certainly believe them to be innocent.
Why? Because of math.
According to CBS, in 2008, 90,000 people reported being raped in the United States. In 25% of cases, someone was arrested. However, the Bureau of Justice reports, that in 2008, 39,590 men and 164,240 women were rape victims. The statistics in Canada are even more dire. Only 6% of all rapes are reported to the police. One source estimates that in the US, only 3 out of every 100 rapists are ever convicted. This means that the rest of the rapists are simply walking around in the world, having irreparably damaged another person's psyche, capable of doing it again, and never facing consequences for their act. You, yourself, know exactly what I am talking about.
Now, aren't false rape reports a real thing? Don't those also do damage to people who don't deserve to be accused? Why would I behave as if a man I loved with all of my heart, deserved to be punished, unless I believe it? False rape reports do, indeed, happen, and when they do they can ruin people's lives. However, false rape accusations are in the extreme minority of rape reports. Results of studies vary widely, but a conservative estimate would be 7%. This is a heavily conservative estimate, however, most experts prefer 1.5% to 3%. (Deciding whether a rape accusation is credible, one needs to take into account the manner in which the memory was formed and the manner in which it was recovered. Was the rape victim intoxicated or unconscious during the encounter? Is the memory "recovered" through hypnosis? The first requires further evidence, such as a rape kit, or a witness, the second is unlikely to be real at all.)
The reason why I would immediately behave as if my husband or my brother were guilty of rape, regardless of the fact that I believe it would be unlikely to happen, is not just because of the severity of the crime in question, but also because of the statistics above. The rates of false accusations (even convictions) for other crimes are significantly higher, so much higher that we have a very complex appeals system for death row, in the US. (I won't bother to comment on the multiple issues with the US justice system, here.) But rape is different, it is so unlikely for a woman to make a claim of rape in the first place, and so unlikely for a person to be arrested for it, and then even more unlikely for that rape claim to turn out to be false, that I would consider it incredibly irresponsible to not treat it as completely credible.
I hope you will consider the fact that I hold all men, including my own husband and brother, to this standard, and that you will entertain the idea of adopting this policy as well. You are not required to stop loving or liking a person because of crimes they have committed. It is entirely possible to love a monster. And if the person is aware of the reasons behind your decision, and they are honorable, they will respect you for it. My brother and husband respect my decision as well, because although neither of them ever plan on committing rape, they very much appreciate the fact that I would be protecting myself, and other people, from any other rapist that I might encounter. Remember, 1 in 4 college women are raped or assaulted, and 97% of all rapists are still out there, ready to rape again.
Your Fan for Life,
Cara
5 comments:
Amanda Palmer has shown a lack of empathy for sexual assault survivors before. She engaged in a performative mock-rape of a woman onstage. Her behavior was subsequently condemned by the Boston Rape Area Crisis Center. She has made much of her personal history being raped at 17, but seems incapable of applying a sympathetic response to other survivors.
NOTE: Be careful if you have a history of being triggered due to your own personal history as it is graphic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOVcgOwquDA
Hi Moon Walk,
I want to thank you for posting your thoughts, but I would also like to ask you a couple other questions, in case you wander back here and have time to answer them.
The Katy Perry/Prop 8 skit you posted a link to doesn't have any context in your comment, and I'm curious about why you singled it out. Do you feel that this particular incident showed an especially high lack of regard for rape survivors? I disagree, personally. I understood the message she was implying immediately and was later surprised by the reaction. Most rape victims are not tied up and forced into marriage, but I can see, in hind sight, why this may seem oddly symbolic of rape.
Secondly, do you feel that there are other circumstances in which she has displayed a lack of empathy for sexual assault survivors? I am unaware of any.
Thirdly, I also disagree that she has "made much" of her own experience with rape. I actually found it very difficult to find instances of her talking about it online. I have never seen an explicit explanation of what happened (although presumably there is one in her book). I believe that any instance where a person comes forward and says "this has happened to me. too" is a vulnerable and powerful thing for that speaker, and all other victims of rape.
Regardless, I appreciate your perspective.
In other news, Amanda Palmer has decided NOT to have Ghomeshi on stage with her in Toronto.
http://amandapalmer.net/blog/20141031/
For all who have read this, I hope I touched some of you, and perhaps inspired you to think differently on this subject.
Live beautiful lives.
I don't know that math is a good defense for that hardline stance. (I am only trying to argue the math of it, nothing more). I believe you are conflating issues when you count unreported rapes as increasing the odds of someone being guilty.
Every accused has a 1.5-3% chance of being wholly innocent.
There are an estimated 30,000 people in the US who suffer from Cystic Fibrosis. That means the odds of an American having CF are about .0001%. If someone were to tell me they suffer from CF, statistically I should not believe them, as the odds of them having it are incredibly low. And yet I personally know 2 people with CF.
The gap between .0001% and 3% is vast.
People do win the lottery. People do die in plane crashes and are attacked by sharks and get killed by vending machines. And people are born with incredibly rare horrific diseases.
And people are even falsely accused of rape.
Jordan,
Actually, those are the exact perimeters that I used to judge whether or not I think someone is likely to be right when talking about various things that have happened to them, etc. The number of people I've known who claim to have gluten intolerance has made me generally incredulous of the claim, given the statistics. Is celiac a real thing? Absolutely, and I do know people who genuinely have it. CF, on the other hand, is something you're unlikely to self diagnose, given the symptoms.
I intensely prefer traveling by plane to traveling by car. It's statistically safer. I don't play the lottery, it's statistically likely that I would just be wasting money. I also don't play slots, or buy insurance on my cell phones. Statistical evaluation is something the human brain is not particularly good at, making doing the math even more important.
What you may be missing from my logic is two things. First, I am not calculating the number of unreported rapes as being related to how likely someone is to be guilty of rape. I can see how it might have looked like that's what I meant, so I apologize for the confusion. Rather, I was trying to imply that the very rareness of making a claim should cause us to treat reporters with deep seriousness. What's more, not all claims are made publicly, they may be something you're told in confidence by a friend, I consider these to be equally important. I see now that in my lather that I didn't mention this. Sorry about that.
Secondly, the very seriousness of the claim is what warrants treating it as real, especially given it's likelihood of being true.
I recognize how extreme my stance can seem, especially to men, or to anyone who has heard that "false rape accusations do happen", without looking at the mathematical calculation I've outlined, especially since I'm saying that I would apply it indiscriminately of my experience with the accused. But it's not something I do lightly, nor is it something I have decided on without double checking my calculations
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